Lonely Nights.

It is 8:00 p.m. and my homework is finished. I don't know what to do with myself. I've been to on top of homework lately. So, now I sit in the library reading "The Sacred Romance." I'll tell you how it ends. I can't exactly get into it though. And then I've been reading "Hole in the Gospel" since January. It's about time to get that one done.

Today was beautiful! it was sunny and warm [ish] for February. Basically life has been great! There are those struggles though. Last semseter I was so social! My social life completely took over, but then this semester I am throwing myself into my homework. I feel as if I have pushed peopel away. Tonight I feel that ache of loneliness. I really just want someone to talk too. I know it's my fault though.

Other than my lonely state I have a busy weekend of Jesus to look forward too. Tomorrow is LIFE and Saturday is DTC! I haven't done DTC in along time! I am really excited!

Oh Lent! I have never been good at getting rid of something from my life, so I have decided to add to my life. I am going to not, not do my devotions. I am determined in these next forty days to remain consistent and get down the discipline of spending time with the Lord.

What else? I don't know. My life is school at the moment. I never thought I would EVER say this, but I think I might be ready for summer! Oh to have warm weather, and to wear a dress. MMMM....sounds nice. :)

Alright, well there's my small update on life at the moment. Until later...

Home is Where the Heart is.

Going to college has made me realize the difference between a home and house. That sounds weird, but before Cornerstone I took my family so much for granted. And even last semester, I was so concerned with me, me, me! I didn't want to go home. I simply wanted to be at college and enjoy MY life.

It was not until this semester [all of three weeks] that I felt homesick and wanted to go home. Last night my roommate was having trouble making her movie for a class. My family has a Mac, so I'm like, "lets go to my house." I'm pretty sure that it wasn't until walking slowly up the pathway to the front door and opening it slowly, that I realized I have a home. I HAVE A HOME. I have someplace to go home to when I get homesick or need a place to rest from people and school. A lot of people don't have a place to call home. I feel so blessed. But my revelation [if that's what you want to call it] doesn't stop there.

This takes on a spiritual side too. Jesus is my resting place. He is home. The Bible talks about the Lord preparing a home for us in heaven. I love that.

If you think about it, what is a home? What are characteristics that make a house a home? For me home is a place where I can be myself and not feel awkward. It's a place that is refreshing and most importantly a home is the people that occupy it. My dad, my mom, my brother, and my sister...and my two cats. Home is where you walk through the front door and mom comes running down the hallway with a smile on her face, ready for a big hug. Home is where my brother and I can have deep conversations and share what's on our hearts. Or, where Taryn and I can hang out and laugh and laugh. Or, when dad walks in the back door after a long day at work, and us three kids get a head start and run and jump into his arms. It's beautiful!

Home is where the heart is.

You are the sun right after the rain...

Today has been a busy, but great day. I woke up and drank down a protein shake (pretty tasty, might I add) and headed to class. After writing in culture I headed back to my dorm and actually found time to jus sit and read my book that I started a month ago. It was great! Then headed to Old Testament and ate lunch. Then I finished up my last class and actually went to work out.
I feel like I'm starting to develop a healthy work ethic for once. I have eaten pretty well and of course, I worked out. I even just spent the last hour relaxing, which I think is really important to do to unwind. Perhaps the most important thing I accomplished was my time with God. I suppose it sounds bad to say that I "accomplished" that, but I did nonetheless.
For the first time in about five months, I have felt at peace. No, my life is not perfect by any means, and I still have my storms. Haha. I have a collection of journals and my third one is almost all filled up. They are a set, and I needed one more. So, I went online and the only one they had was black. I tell this to my roommate and she exclaims that I probably am about to go through a really dark time. She might be right, although I wouldn't count on a journal to tell me that. For today though, I'm content with being at peace. It's a nice change of pace.
Tonight I'm headed to volunteer and then come home and finish homework. It has been a great day! The sun is shining and the snow is glistening on the ground. It even is really warm! Spring is in the air!!! :)

Dear John...

It's been a long week. Therefore, my roommate and I decided to get out and have some fun. Thank goodness, or else I would have spent this chilly Friday night doing homework.

So we went to see...can you possibly guess?..."Dear John." Same as every other adolescent girl in America tonight. It was a sappy love story--and to make it incredibly more emotionally detrimental--Channing Tatum played a soldier that goes off to war, and leaves his beautiful fair maiden back in the States.

I am a lover of love. I love romance, and am already planning my wedding...don't worry, my wedding for someday :). Watching that movie made me long to be pursued and wanted by a guy. Hence the fact that I am SO not ready to be in a relationship of the sort.

Yet as I sit here and write I can't help but wonder if it is possible that the longing I feel is holy. That it is spiritual. That it is longing to be completely filled, and completely loved, and completely whole in the Lord. Because to be quite honest, no guy will ever complete me. No man will ever be make me content. No man will EVER chase after me with as jealous a passion as Jesus does.

As Valentines Day approaches, I pray that all of you begin to grasp the beautiful truth of how wide and long and deep the love of Christ is.

Be blessed this weekend.

The Overwhelming thoughts of a College Freshman...

I long to be real. I think this is the fifth time I have re-worded this blog. Ridiculous. Anyways, today has been better than okay, but not excellent. That's alright with me. I had MOPS today, went to class, and now the exciting part! I met with a senior who my dad sort of knows through her mom. So he made me call her and meet with her for coffee this afternoon. Talk about awkward! The funny thing is that it wasn't! Not even a little! She was so personable and understanding. The reason my loving dad (: made me meet this perfect stranger for coffee was for the simple reason of gaining advice and wisdom from someone who struggled her freshman year.

Therefore, I have decided to re-do my News Years Resolutions. Is that even legal? Here goes nothing... [DISCLAIMER-these are not in order of importance...except for the first one.]

First, I claim that Jesus is the most important being in my life, but if you were to be a fly on the wall and follow me, you probably would beg to differ. It's true. I'm owning up to it. God is moving. He is moving in and around our world, in our nation, in Grand Rapids, at Cornerstone University, and in my own heart. This month has been incredible! Yes, it's been one of the toughest months, but it's exhilarating in a weird way. Therefore, I need to make changes in this area. Not for the mere sake of change, but because I yearn to grow. I yearn to run after the things of the Lord with everything that's in me. I intend to do that. My God time has been good lately, and I want to keep it up!

Second, academics. The Lord has placed me in school for the time being. He has blessed me with the financial resources to attend this place of education. I am fairly sure that that one verse that says, "Whatever you do, work at it will all your heart, as if you were working for the Lord, and not for man." [Colossians 3:23]. I am dire need of a perspective change. I need to really, truly apply myself in school, not get by for the sake of getting homework done. period.

Third, my physical well-being. Yes, mom I am fessing up to the fact that I could do a much better job at caring for myself. I really need to go to bed before 11:30, if at all possible. I need to start drinking water. I really need to start eating a more balanced diet. I need to...start exercising. And I am not sure where this one fits, but I need to start living in a cleaner environment. I think that would do my emotional health some good too.

I am convicted over and over that I need to do a much better job at taking good care of me.

What's new?...Oh! I bought a pair of TOMS shoes! I'm really excited! I got my homework done before 9:30! That is definitely a miracle worth celebrating. I am really looking forward to tomorrow. Class, chapel, class, eat, done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, thank God it's almost Friday. I need to rest. Anyways it's time to go make some Ramen, and go to bed. Tomorrow begins another day.

Numero Uno

I have been inspired to blog. Yeah, that's a little weird, but like I said, I've been inspired. It's almost 12:30 in the morning, and I'm completely exhausted. It's been a long day. In fact it's been a long week. I'm growing restless here in my small-ish dorm room. I'm ready to get out and travel and see the world. But for now, I am here, at Cornerstone University. The Lord has placed me here, so I choose to be content whatever the circumstances.

It's very hard being in college. You have to do your homework and go to class, which is stressful in and of itself. But, then you have to deal with problems such as friends and relationships and on top of all of that you have to balance all of your problems. And it's hard, because you don't have a place to just be, and to cry and let it all out. It's hard.

But I'm going to keep going and keep running the race marked out for me. Whatever it takes...Until tomorrow...or whenever a revelation comes over me that I just have to share with the world.