Tonight/this morning was one of the most fun, holy, beautiful nights I've had in a very long time, which may be sad, but it's true.

It all started around 8.40 pm. I was walking to Evensong, basically my usual Sunday night routine. I'm like okay God do your thing in me tonight. Let your will be done. Prepare my heart to worship you.

I go to the spot on the bleachers and I meet up with a friend. All of a sudden I see two of my very best friends. One of them literally just got back from China yesterday. I was off the wall joyful. Evensong was great too! I've been thinking a lot about emotionalism lately. I don't want my faith to be something based off of emotions and experiences. Those don't last. They aren't constant.

Jesus is. Evensong was a good reminder of that.

So anyways afterwords some of us were in the back, up on the concourse. We are nuttso. I mean we are full of the joy of the Lord. It was wonderful. I haven't felt that lighthearted in a long while. We laughed and danced and sang and laughed some more. We were crazy! I loved every second of it. We get up to the doors and all five of us are preaching to each other and exhorting each other through our words. Then we spent time in prayer. Lifting each other up and pushing each other towards the Goal. It was beautiful.

And then Applebees. But that's a whole other story in itself.

I've felt really lonely lately I guess and it was good to be with some of my very best friends tonight. Ya know? They each are such a blessing to me and I love them. Like I love them so much. I literally don't know what I would do without them.

I think, well, that's all.

Give us this Day our Daily Bread.

Lately I've been worrying a lot. Worrying about the summer. About finances. About how I am going to put gas in the car. How I'm going to pay off loans. How I"m going to go to Africa.

Those sorts of silly things.

This morning I woke up and did my usual routine. I had a few minutes and decided to read. I sat down and looked over at my journal collections.

I do this weird thing where I open up to the same day as today, but from last year. For example, today is March 25, 2011. I open up to March 25, 2010.

I kid you not this is what I wrote. "As for everything else in life, I don't know. I feel like I have let my guard down. And yet I feel very much at peace too. Yes, life is stressful. Academics pops into my mind, But then I remember that I have to set up two jobs this summer and come up with $1,000 for Ecuador. And buy a car. And somehow sell the Cadilac. It's safe to say I am overwhelmed."

I'm looking at this and reading this and I was like holy moly I feel this way right now.

And then I realized how faithful God is and was and will continue to be.

That semester last spring was the best semester grade wise.

I got both jobs last summer.

God provided above and beyond for Ecuador.

I got a car.

We sold the Cadilac.

I mean God took care of every single thing on that list.

I believe He will take care of everything on this years list. Not for the sake of me getting my way. No. To prove His faithfulness! I'm super excited to witness this! Oh my!

I had another thought too. Dang it. I hate when I forget something profound. I don't know. Alls I know is God is good. Forever and always. OH! I know what I was going to say.

In our western culture we always think we need SO freakin' much more then we actually need.

Gah! I don't. I know that much. I'm learning to be content friends. God provides what we need and may even some of what we want. He is good. He loves giving good gifts to His children.

That's all.

I've been thinking a lot lately about wisdom and parents and pride and the past.

I've begun to figure out that a part of my personality tends to be a little rebellious. I like to do things differently than other people. I think that's okay, but part of me being rebellious and telling my mom at least every other day that I'm moving to Africa, well it may be because I have pride issues. We all know this anyways.

Growing up was not much different. I liked to be different as best I could. Well, because of the crummy pride I would go through these hard times and my parents would give me advice and wisdom on this matter. For like a whole decade I always thought I was right and they were wrong. I "listened." I stood there, but wasn't present.

It's weird and creepy. I've started to actually listen. And then implement their wisdom as best I could. Now that I have matured a little (a teensy weensy bit) I'm beginning to realize that my momma and dad are quite wise and actually have good advice. Now, i don't have to agree with everything they believe or think. I am my own person and all that good stuff. But I never want to stop listening and filtering and asking questions.

Another thing I love so dearly about my parents.

Today is a crummy day weather wise. It's icey and cold and wet. It may or many not be the definition of depressing. But that's okay. As Dr. Stowell reminded me this morning, "REJOICE in the Lord ALWAYS!" God is good. I'm alive. He's in control.

That's all.

I had quite the adventure this afternoon. Here it is.

Yesterday I was sitting in my room doing my homework and I was overcome with this conviction. Here I was sitting there doing homework and listening to "good, Christian" music. Frequently I have good conversations about how the Church needs to step up and do something about the poor and marginalized. I tell people that I love Jesus and want to give my life to serve Him and serve His children.

But this crazy conviction came over me last night.

The Spirit opened my mind and heart to the fact that I might say that I love Jesus and I might go on spontaneous mission trips. Those are great things. But how can I say I love Christ when I sit on my butt everyday and live selfishly. How can I say I love Jesus when I neglect to "feed the poor and clothe the homeless."? I don't do a good job at living out what I preach. sad, but true.

After this revelation I began thinking that the church may or may not make loving on the homeless more complicated than it actually is or has to be.

At Cornerstone we have something called Grab n' Go. You fill out a slip of paper and grab your food. It's real simple. Real easy.

And then it hit me! What if I got grab n' go and brought it to a homeless person. What if I ate lunch with a homeless person? What would happen?

So, this afternoon my friend and I took a bus downtown. We prayed over this and asked the Lord to lead us. What actually transpired is nothing dramatic. It wasn't crazy. It was simple.

We brought three grab n' go's. One for my friend. One for the person we would minister too, and one for me. We had this image of us having lunch with someone and chatting with them. I love this, because it doesn't have "charity" written all over it. It's like Hey! We want to get to know you and listen to you, because we love you.

Instead, we walked to Veteran's Park. As we were walking a homeless man came up and told us that we looked like nice young ladies and would we by any chance have money. He also had two friends with him. We were like we don't have money, but we have food! So we gave it away. Yep, a simple thing, right? No drama or hype or anything. We just wanted to love someone and bless them. I hope we did. It really wasn't about us...at all. It's Jesus. I hope the nice old man saw Christ and not us. I hope he felt cared for and loved.

We keep walking and we are like okay, what now? We keep walking through Veteran's Park and come across a man on a bench. His name was Jim. He had lovely blue eyes. If you looked in them long enough, it was as if you were swimming in the ocean. He looked sad. I look at him and I say hi and he says hi back. we talk for about ten minutes. Random things. Nothing deep. I really hope he felt loved too. I really hope he felt listened too.

And then we got lost, and go on the wrong bus, but that is beside the point.

I know I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again. You don't have to read farther. It's really okay.

Every time I get on a bus or walk among the homeless people my heart melts. I have this crazy love for them. It's like, hey! I can relate with you. I might not be physically poor (this is debatable, seeing as I have about $54 dollars), but I know how it is to have a poverty of the soul and to feel pain and to be lonely.

All of the presuppositions fade and I become one of them.

I love books. I wish I could major in reading books, but I'm positive they don't have that one at Cornerstone. I don't finish many things in life...unless of course I absolutely have too. But, when I finish a book I feel accomplished. I think to myself wow I actually finished something...and not another episode of The Office. One time I finished a 600 page book. That was a big deal I'd say.

I don't just like books for the good feeling I get when I finish the final page and shut it and put it back on the bookshelf. Nope. Books unlock things that otherwise I would never figure out.

Tonight I finished Blue Like Jazz for the fiftieth time. If you haven't read it, go and get yourself a copy. It's all worth it.

I'm going through this weird season of life right now. Figuring out who I am. Figuring out exactly what I believe about God and following Christ. Those sorts of things that I hear are normal for a college student. Currently I'm going through a refining process you could say. Whoever said it was easy going through this lied. It's not. It's hard. It's difficult. It hurts. It's almost painful.

But it's good.

So, like I said I finished Blue Like Jazz. It's one of the few books that I am captivated right from beginning to end. I know...there has been negative talk about this book, but I don't really care what anyone says.

The book has about 250 pages. At about page 245 I gasp. My eyes get wide and I finally realize why I adore him and his writing.

Don Miller and I are kindred spirits. We are the same person.

It sounds creepy, but it really isn't.

Everything he talked about I could absolutely relate too. He has pride issues,and so do I. He is needy, and so am I. He thinks and talks and writes like I do. It was as if the whole book was a reflection of me. So weird.

It gives me great hope for myself. There are more days then not that I think I am getting know where in my faith journey. There are plenty of days where I think I will never change. I will never get over myself and actually see others clearly, and for what they are worth. I will never love genuinely.

But God has done a miraculous work in Don Miller's life,and He is doing a miraculous work in mine as well. And in other people's lives too. That's comforting. Don is a human just like me. We are both so severely broken and tattered, but a long long long time ago Jesus gave up his very life so we may have life. nuttso.

That's all.

A Dark Lonely NIght.

That's just it. A dark, lonely night. That's what my life has been lately. It's funny, because whenever I struggle I HAVE GOT to figure out what the heck is going on. I cannot for the life of me just sit there and let life go by. Usually I walk through pain in steps.

Step 1. Cry about it.

Step 2. Pray about it.

Step 3. Journal about it.

Step 4. Write out at least 5 steps in getting over it and coming to find wholeness.

This time is different. I'm lost. Utterly, desperately lost. And I'm okay with that. I told God tonight that I wished I could come back from this beautiful sunshiney day and tell the world that I'm happy and excited for life and joyful. Such a lie. So I go on and tell the Lord that I need Him to guide me and direct my steps, because I'm scared. I'm broken. Some really crappy pride has taken over my heart. It needs to die. That much is evident. It's going to be a one day at a time thing. I mean, that's all I can actually see at the moment. Nothing beyond tomorrow.

I went to worship tonight and I had this desperateness come over me. I was actually hungry for God. I just wanted Him. Nothing else that the world could offer. I told God that I'm willing to walk through this "dark night." I long for the Lord's will to be done in my life.

That's all.

I need your help!

Where God is leading me...

As a part of my group of friends and family, I would like to share with you where God is leading me in this crazy season of life.

For years God has placed Youth with a Mission (YWAM) on my heart. I began prayerfully seeking the Lord on this last December. In the last four months God made it clear that He has something for me in Los Angelos, California. I have yet to find out what that something is, but for now I’m content in following and being obedient to the Lord’s voice.

History of Youth with a Mission...

YWAM was founded back in the 1950’s by a young man named Loren Cunningham. Loren always knew he had a calling to go and make disciples of all nations, but he didn’t know how serious this call was until he was in a hotel room in the Bahamas.

One afternoon Loren found himself in his room praying. As he was praying God gave him a clear vision. The vision was a map of the world and the map was covered with waves from the ocean. Soon the waves began turning into young people from all over the global church.

Now, about 60 years later the vision is being fulfilled. Thousands of people, young and old, are being commissioned every day.

What I would be doing...

YWAM is mainly comprised of two ministries. The first on is Discipleship Training School (DTS) and the second is Mission Builders’s (MB). I have the opportunity of being apart of Mission Builder’s.

During the months of May and June the mission base will have students from all over the world attending their School of Ministry Development. The months of June and July the base will be hosting youth groups and schools. This program is called Encounter4 Teens. It’s a two week program designed to get teens excited bout what God is doing in the nations. Teenagers also have the opportunity to go out and do service projects and outreach throughout greater Los Angeles.

So where do I fit into this?

I would have the opportunity to help the YWAM staff in training these students to go out and do ministry effectively. I would also have the amazing privilege of serving in any areas of the base that are most needed, such as, cooking, working at the coffee shop, working as a receptionist, and an amalgam of other things.

For many years I have felt the call to go into full time ministry somewhere in the world. This opportunity would not only be a season of growth, but it would give me the opportunity to get my feet wet in a mission agency, while also serving alongside amazing people who also have a heart to see the lost be found.

Financial Support

I have to raise about $400.

If you would like to help me monetarily, please send your check to:

Lauren Sack

Mailbox #: 2410

985 East Beltline Avenue Northeast

Grand Rapids, MI 49525

More importantly I would appreciate your prayers as I embark on this exciting journey.

Pray for God’ guidance and provision. Pray that His will be done in my life. Pray for protection and growth.

Thanks,

Lauren Sack

I am stuck. That is the most adequate way to describe it. Stuck. I am so held down this morning by the cares of life. I have been so incredibley lazy the last few weeks (that's another story in itself) and now the consequences of that are showing up. I am on spring break, but even so it's been so hard to focus and sit down and get anything done.

On a better note, last week I got accepted into Youth with a Mission or YWAM. I'll be spending three months of my summer in Los Angelos, California doing ministry at their base and learning and growing and OH MY I CAN"T WAIT! This is a dream come true.

But even this has worries. I really need to buy my plane ticket soon and don't have the money. That's part of why I'm so overcome with anxiety this morning. It's been plaguing me, how the heck am I going to come up with $345!?!

Seriously, these are the moments in life that I stuff God in this box and try and control Him. I forget that God could totally blow me over at any second. He is the One who makes it rain in spring and snow in winter. he holds the universe in His hands. That's nuttso! God is bigger than $345. I have to believe that is nothing to Him.

And I just feel crappy in general today. Maybe because the sun is out. Plus our house is a disaster! Whenever that happens I get irritated and frustrated with myself. Which of course is why I am going to spend this morning cleaning.