A Dark Lonely NIght.

That's just it. A dark, lonely night. That's what my life has been lately. It's funny, because whenever I struggle I HAVE GOT to figure out what the heck is going on. I cannot for the life of me just sit there and let life go by. Usually I walk through pain in steps.

Step 1. Cry about it.

Step 2. Pray about it.

Step 3. Journal about it.

Step 4. Write out at least 5 steps in getting over it and coming to find wholeness.

This time is different. I'm lost. Utterly, desperately lost. And I'm okay with that. I told God tonight that I wished I could come back from this beautiful sunshiney day and tell the world that I'm happy and excited for life and joyful. Such a lie. So I go on and tell the Lord that I need Him to guide me and direct my steps, because I'm scared. I'm broken. Some really crappy pride has taken over my heart. It needs to die. That much is evident. It's going to be a one day at a time thing. I mean, that's all I can actually see at the moment. Nothing beyond tomorrow.

I went to worship tonight and I had this desperateness come over me. I was actually hungry for God. I just wanted Him. Nothing else that the world could offer. I told God that I'm willing to walk through this "dark night." I long for the Lord's will to be done in my life.

That's all.