Dear Friends,

I know I'm a blog nerd. I update way freakin to much!

My sister wanted me tell you that she got to go to college with me today. We are currently sitting here in New Testament waiting for Professor Mohrman to come to class. Yep...and in two hours I depart from school for

......................TORONTO. Land of maple syrup, Canadians and Bacon!

Alright I'm peacin' out. See ya'll lata!

Be blessed this weekend and keep your eyes on Jesus.

L

Off to Toronto today! The land of maple sugar, hockey, and the french language...mayne? I could be wrong on that one!

It shall be beautiful. I"m pumped to go serve some superly awesome people on the streets. They need some lovin' especially in the freakin sub zero weather. It's freezing!

Copious Amounts of God's Joy and Peace and Love.

Dear lovely people who read this,

Despite the grayness and cloudy, overcast day; it sure has been beautiful!
So it goes like this. God pretty much is amazing! It's true. He has awakened in me a new joy for life.
Writing post after post about how depressing life is, is simply getting old. I have been beyond blessed!
Just because my dear professor for New Testament says we are here to study...does not mean we are banned from expieriencing the sweetness of life. I'm so freakin' excited about life!

Today has been so filled with JOY. This morning was filled with beautiful friends and hot chocolate and scripture.

Failed philosopy midterm.. I've since decided that philosophy lowers my self-esteem.

Then ran back to my dorm and chillaxed while waiting for mom.

What a beautiful afternoon with my dear mother. She felt impressed by the Holy Spirit to go to Panera, so we walk in and two seconds later this lady was like, "So, would you like the job you interviewed for?" And I was like, "Heck yes I would!" Praise Jesus for that! He is so good and worthy of all the heart-filled praise and thanksgiving I have!

Ate, fellowshipped, and shopped. My sweet mom gave me two early Christmas presents. I got these awesomely awesome brown leather vintagey looking boots. And, a teal coat. Teal is cool. Red is cooler.

Bible study tonight with some freaking, ridiculosly cool people!

Oh, I've decided to take up baking. Now, my history with baking/and cooking/...really anything to do with an oven, has actually not turned out right. I messed up pineapple upside down cake and it wasn't even in the oven. I set it on a burner that was still hot!

But I'm giving it one more try. Especially since I'm having a huge craving for chocolately goodness!

peace and blessings,

Lauren

I feel slightly guilty that I don't really care about philosophy and I really don't want to be in class. So here I am. Updating...why not?

Currently there is a Tornado Warning in effect and we are required to take shelter immediately. There is severe weather in effect till tomorrow night! Crazy. It's fun though, because it's exciting. Very rarely do we have severe weather..unless it's a blizzard!

Anyways, it's exciting, although I have no food so hopefully it doesn't last too long.

I'm not really sure what to write today. It seems like I repeat myself over and over and over.

This weekend was fantastic! I have really gotten into taking the bus recently. Mainly because I love meeting interesting people. Last Saturday I decided to take the bus into the city and head to Madcap to have some coffee and get work done. I spent a couple hours there and headed back to the transit station. I found my bus and realized quickly that I missed my bus by two minutes. On the weekends the buses come in one hour increments. Basically I had a whole hour to sit there.

There was an elderly woman sitting there and so I decided to get to know her. She is the sweetest old lady! Her name is Elaine and she lives in the North West side of GR. She is on disability and comes from a low income family.

I began asking about her life. I asked her about her children and she took great pride in telling me about them. Somewhere in there she mentioned she went to church. I asked her what church and she told me. I asked how she became a Christian. She quickly got really excited and told me that she had to start from the beginning.

When she was 14 she became a Christian. A few years later she got married, but much to her dismay her husband was abusive. It wasn't clear if they got divorced or not. She had six kids and I she realized she was cycling weird and spotting. She went to the doctor and found out she had cervical cancer. During her recovery her husband made her do too much and she had to go in for more surgeries because she ruptured her ovaries.

Today she has many health issues and back problems which result in constant pain. Yet she still had a smile on her face. She told me, "Lauren, I have been through hard times, but God has been in it all. He has walked through this every step of the way. He is good."

She was quite inspiring. I got on the bus and we rode together and before she got off she told me she would be praying for me. And I have been praying for her.

Just to note...I met and elderly man. She gave me a big smile and when we got on the bus he sat down next to me. Before he got off he looked at me and told me to be home by midnight :). That made me smile.

I was really encouraged and inspired. And, I went to Bridgestreet and it was so beautiful. The focus was freedom and of course, that's been something I have had on my heart lately.

Sunday morning church was beautiful. Pastor Joe preached on being a multicultural church. One of the things that stuck out to me the most was when he mentioned that the Bible makes no reference to one's color, but to their ethnicity. Who they are. Where they are from.

And Evensong! Oh my lands! It was powerful! That's all I'm going to say. God was at work and He continues to be at work. It's great.

This week my Inter-Cultural Mandate class is heading to Toronto, Canada! I'm not completely sure what we are going to be doing. But I'm really excited to see what God is going to do in each of our hearts.

That's my week basically. School, homework, school. And God at the center. There's that conviction. I should have listened in Philosophy.

Anyways, God is good all the time. And all the time He is good.

Psalm 34

I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

² My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

³ Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

⁹ Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

¹² Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

¹³ keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

¹⁶ the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

²⁰ he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

²² The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Time is Running Out.

Tonight my heart is restless.

I want something more. I am not content with my life. I'm not content where my spiritual life is going for starters. And it scares me, because as long as I'm in school I'll be busy. In fact living here, busyness is the plan for my life. The world has my future planned out.

I can't find God here. Maybe it's that I'm not looking hard enough. I believe God is all around me. But I can't find him in the midst of all my stuff. I can't find him in the busyness of my life. I can't find Him in the emotional baggage that I've carried for years. I'm beginning to let go of that all, but it's still there. Everything reminds me of him. And so, I'm learning to cope. I'm learning to deal with it. slowly. But then again, slow is better than nothing.

It's just I'm not happy here. Not genuinely happy. I can't find that joy I had in Guat. or that joy I had in Ecuador, loving on those people, and their simple way of living. I miss not taking showers. and living with only a few belongings. I miss that genuine community. I miss living in a tent in the middle of nowhere.

How come I am told that right now the only place I can find God is at CU? Why is that? This is not the only way.

I have to get out of here. I need to breathe. Time is running out. I long to have a purpose. I love to find God.

I can't find Him here. I am sick of finding God in dainty little bites here and there! I am SO freakin sick of that! I want to see the power of God revealed. The heart of God revealed. I long to see God. I want more of God.

I'm about to burst. God where do I go? Where do I go? Where are you?

I smelled Ecuador tonight. Walking through the parking lot at Woodland. I stepped outside and I smelled it. And my heart longed to go back. My heart longed for a purpose. I refuse to go on living like this. I know that God is moving. And maybe I can't take it all dumped on me. I don't know.

I am so extremely discontent if you couldn't already tell. I have to do something. I can't sit here and pretend it's all okay. I don't particularly want to be in this spiritual state the rest of my life.

It's so terrible being in this state of mind. I can't even begin to tell you what God's heart on this is and where my heart is.

It's been a while.

God is slowly moving in my life. He continues to shape me and bring me into freedom. Last Monday I was at home and I was feeling really down and depressed and so naturally I talked it out with a couple friends. Basically they both bluntly told me that I had to let go. And I had to do it now.

I then talked about my life with my dad and he said the same thing.

I began to realize that the past is the past. I can't go back. I can't un-do what has been done. I choose to leave the past. Everything that has happened in the last decade is gone. It's shredded and it's dead. It has no power over me.

That's really quite freeing. I'm letting go and moving forward. Because God is on the move. And I don't want to miss out. I'm not going to be stuck in the past.

Life is quite the journey. It's not terribly easy to say the least. But it's so good. It's so good living in the will of God and striving after Him. Such a beautiful place to be.

What does it take to let go of the past? Last week I had two people tell me that my solution was to stop coming up with solutions to my problems. Instead, to simply go with the flow. First, I have no idea how to do that. How does one let old habits go? Second, there comes a point where the end is in sight. There are too many things from my past that are holding me back.

I'd love to be able to look forward for once. Ya know? Remember that the past made you who you are, but move on. The chains of the past need to be broken someday. I guess that's the journey I am on this season of life. Learning to be okay. Slowly I'm getting there.

slowly.

I haven't written in a while, and I have a good ten minutes until I have to listen intently, so I thought now would be as good a time as ever to update everyone or no one.

The last week or so has been quite the roller coaster. I got sick last week and went home for the weekend. It was wonderful to be home. Home is quiet. Home is peaceful. I love going home. It was a refreshing few days that flew by. It was so nice to REST. I never intentionally relax and this week I've really started taking advantage of resting.

God created rest. He knows that our minds and bodies can only take so much and I for one feel almost burnt out.

And school has been frustrating. It's like I can't quite understand the material and everything won't click. But once again, I've begun learning another lesson on identity. My identity is not in school. It's not in my vocation. It's not in my grades. It's not in what school I have chosen to go to.

My identity is solely in Christ alone.

Which brings me to my next point.

Every Thursday morning a friend and I have coffee and meet together for a couple hours to hold each other accountable, pray, and be in the Word. It's wonderful! I love it. I've realized the beauty of getting into the Word with others and how beautiful that really is!

We read 1 Corinthians chapter 1. Here's a section of the text that really spoke directly to me. ..

"Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

When reading this, it probably is mostly self-explanatory. Right? But what's comforting and beautiful is the fact that God uses those who are WEAK to shame the STRONG. I'm not saying this in a condoning way. Not at all. My point is probably an obvious one, but I'll try and explain it in "Lauren terms."

Being at Cornerstone is far from easy. It's tough. It's frustrating. Everyone has such good ideas and everyone seems so intelligent and their good at school. I have always had troubles concerning school and such. It's difficult. A majority of American teenagers and early twenties lives is school.

Some days I feel like I"m here to fill space. Like, I don't really have a gift. I'm not good at anything. And that's hard. I feel inferior and so dumb at times. I get so down on myself.

But reading that verse this morning and stopping and digging into it, was SO good. If anything, I believe God will use my weakness in school for His GLORY.

And that, that is comforting. That brings me a great sense of peace.

Until next time.

And throw off the sin that so easily entangles you.

It is unbelievable how fast you get sucked into the world's ways. The last month I gave up Facebook. It was SO good for me,and then yesterday I put it back up. You all have no idea how badly I just want it to disappear, but I justify everything.

Recently, I've chosen to take a season to focus on God and remain in that consistency. I want this to be a catalyst for the rest of my life. You have no idea how badly I want to be content. Content with who I am. Content with being single. I long to let go completely.

You have no idea how much I tend to get sucked into gossip and drama. I hate it. I despise it. I feel the Spirit convicting and I don't choose LIFE. I choose death. I choose to talk about others and judge them.

I give so much time to watching TV and being on the internet. I want to let all these things go. But something holds me back.

You have no idea how much I want the chains in my heart to fall off. I SO want to walk in the FREEDOM of CHRIST.

I long for my pride to be put to death, so the love of Christ can flow through me. I want to explode, but I am so brought down by the world.

I can relate to Paul. He says" For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

I hate what I do. Yet, I do it anyway. Sometimes it seems just as easy to move to Africa with only the clothes on your back and your faith. Yet I am called here. To Cornerstone University for such a time as this. Maybe this is the safe place to try new things, to let things go, to die to the flesh.

it's not that it's a terrible travesty to watch TV once in a while or have a Facebook, but when it consumes you, then we have a problem. These things are used for the glory of God, but for me focus is hard. In order to truly focus on the Lord, I believe I need to kill some things in my life.

It's kind of exciting being on this journey. It's fun. I'm sure some of you think I'm crazy, and maybe i am. But I, and a few other people in the world, can attest that another world is possible. They would tell you that following Christ is the most fulfilling thing. It is good to follow Christ...obviously...or else I wouldn't waste time figuring out my life and getting on my knees every day.

I've figured out that following Christ is worth it. I really have. The thing I'm struggling with is how? How does one genuinely follow Christ as a college student? It truly is a journey let me tell you. But it's so good!!!!!!!

It's hard sometimes being at Cornerstone. It's hard being here today. Today I want to be downtown, riding the bus, floating around town meeting interesting people. Loving on people who are lost. I do not want to be in philosophy.

it's hard being in a bubble, but then maybe this is God's way of saying, "Lauren, it's not the time yet. I have work to do in you." And God would be right.

This is long. I still have 27 minutes in Philosophy. I should probably listen.

And so, I will leave you with this...

"Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind."

New and Improved.

Mom, if you won't let me paint my room red I made my blog red! A happy medium.

The Wheels on the Bus go round and round.

I th ought it was time to update once again! Life has been insane. Literally one thing right after the other. It's crazy, but good for me. So here's an update...

First, Friday night I rediscovered the efficiency of taking the bus. I've had a lot of anxiety over my finances, so it felt really good to come up with a solution. I went to ArtPrize with Chelsie Friday night. SO much fun! We walked to lots of different exhibits and then went to Madcap to relax for a while. Then yesterday I took a bus downtown by myself. I was really nervous, but the bus drivers were super nice, especially when I jammed the hole where you put your change. Then I headed to church for the 100th anniversary. Good times with old friends, even though I don't know half of them.

Anyways, as I was sitting on the bus heading to church I sat there looking out the window and watching the people who got on an off. At one of the stops near the city a little guy, probably no more than 10, jumped off. I sat there realizing how displaced I am. Well, no wonder people living in the inner-city think we are better! I have never taken the bus before the poverty-simulation. Never. I've always riden in a car or flown in a plane. I never really came in contact with drunk people on the sidewalk; I have never seen the darkness of prostitution until recently.

I am not any better than then the scared mom on Division or the man on Bridge Street. I am a sinner. I deserve death. And yet by the grace of Christ I am saved and forgiven. It's sad to look into the eyes of a mommy protecting her kids or a child who has lost their innocence or a drug dealer. It's sad. They have so much darkness in them. You can see it in their eyes.

I have become displaced. It's time to pop my bubble. I am a white, midwest girl. I've grown up in the suburbs and gone to a Christian school my whole life. The walls are falling down.

Taking the bus isn't really a big deal to the average person. Really. It's not. But for me it's breaking down those stereotypes. And it's freeing. Scary, but freeing.

I look around my room and there is stuff and it's sad. It's just very sad. I've let go a lot in one month and yet i still feel like I need to let go of my stuff. It's not going to save me. It brings me no joy or fulfillment. It's meaningless. It's worthless. Yet, it's not that easy. It's hard discerning Jesus' words, "In order to find Life you must lose life." Those words aren't exactly easy ones to take in. Yes, America, I do think we are all called to let go. Some of us might be called overseas. Some of us called to stay in the suburbs. Some of us in the urban environment. But we have to let go, because until we physically and spiritually let go of ourselves the Spirit will never have room to work. It's just not worth it. I don't want to get to the end of my life and realized I spent my whole life chasing after the American dream.

I want to live and experience and learn. Not accumulate things. The cycle has got stuff. I long to remain consistent. Because either I let go or I don't.

Sometimes I have this huge urge to put everything in boxes and give it away and sell it. But more times than not my heart is tied to my stuff.

It's time to put an end to that.