He's doing a new thing. So we are singing a New Song.

It has been quite the day. No quite the month. It's been quite the last five weeks. It's like every day God continually throws these life altering truths at me that strip me of what I always believed. It's amazing. It's hard. It's good.

Today even, God has blown me away! Besides a beautiful morning with my Love I had evangelism and discipleship class. I know evangelism and discipleship is about the person you are witnessing too, but God has been using the material and lectures and discussions in this class to correct my views. One thing that was said was, "A person's prayer life often reflects their view of God or the gospel." I was like, YES YES YES! No wonder my prayer life is so crazy messed up and me centered!!!! (YAY for revelations!!!). These walls and world views are being stripped from me. I always had the mindset that God exists for me and He will meet EVERY single need of mine. That is how I grew up. When God didn't meet that need or give me what i wanted, I questioned my faith. There was no consistency.

Truth: God DOES NOT exist for me. In fact He could zap me right now. I could stop breathing. I am breathing because God wills it that way.

I exist for God. I exist to bring Him glory. I exist to magnify His holy righteous beautiful name. That is all. In my day to day life I am called to love Him with everything I've got.

I was talking to a friend this morning and as I was talking I had another revelation.

If Jesus were to come to me physically tonight and looked me in the eyes, would I be able to tell him that in everything I did today I brought His name alone glory?

That blew me away completely! Crazy! And of course, the cost of discipleship. That's also been hitting me super hard today. Here it is: I am nothing. I am nothing without Christ. Every minute of every day I need His humility. I am weak. I have nothing! Christ calls us to drop everything. To kill it. To kill the flesh. Take up our crosses every day and go to our death. To starve the flesh.

This is what is not being preached in the pulpits. Christ demands our all. ALL. Christ is the best thing. He is worth it. In that, I have lost friends. In that I have given up sleep. In that I have no money. In that I have given up what this world has to offer. I'm not all there yet. It's tough. Some days are easier, some are harder. Yet it's worth it. Christ bids us come and die. Kill the desires of the flesh. kill the sin in you. He is doing a new thing. He says, "the old has gone, the new has come."

When I am weak, then He is strong. He is Jesus.

And that's as far as I've gotten really. I've come to realize so much in the past few hours. I wonder what the rest of today will hold?

This week has been utterly amazing! Including my evil bug I had a few days ago. It's just that I've begun to walk my faith much more consistently. It's not so much a roller coaster anymore. I'm beginning to see Jesus every day. I'm beginning to grasp His unconditional sweet sweet love and joy. I'm starting to understand His true humility. Jesus is so beautiful. His life was so not of this world. Living for Jesus is so upside down. It's crazy. But I would not trade it for anything!!!!

I've had many many many victories (through Christ alone) and joys this week. to many to count. What a blessing! Even so, it's hard sometimes. My mom is one of my best friends. Lately I feel like we've let life get in between us. When we talk I feel like it's the same thing over and over. When I just want to talk about some happy. Something not related to "that."

But then I'm humbled once again, and the Lord reminds me that people fail us and things don't always go our way. And my heart becomes postured in humility towards the throne. It's beautiful!

And then, there are those decisions in life we always have to make. But through this I'm learning faith. I'm learning to not worry and trust. I'm learning to be completely, 100% dependent on Him. It's a wonderful place to be.

My number one joy, no number two, is college group tonight!!!! Number two highlight of the week let me tell you! I'm ready! It's so good to serve and grow through that. It's so good to love and pour into people, but I think it's equally important to be poured into. I love that about this group. It's so balanced!!!

Off to class. Goodbye lovelies!

Cause I am Love sick, for my Beloved.

Today is the second day of school. Last night when I went to bed I began anticipating a full Tuesday of classes. I was actually really excited for today.

Yet, much to my dismay I woke up at three am with a terrible stomachache. And so began my day of throwing up. Praise the Lord it's been almost six hours since the last time I threw up!!!!!

Today's Joy List:

-the quiet moments when it was just me and God.

-Talking to God

-Listening to Jon Thurlow's song "My Little One" and crying, because God's presence was so in that room.

-Being humbled enough to let people get things for me

-Getting better is a plus

I think that's it for now. I'm praying my hardest for this bug to be completely gone in a few hours! I am ready to get into school and get rollin with that.

Today marks the first day of the semester and a fresh start. I love the first day of semesters. Your academic slate is clean and you get another chance (in my case) to redeem yourself. It's an opportunity to go after the Lord. Another chance to make relationships right, and strengthen some. Any opportunity to set some goals for myself.

Yeah, I like new semesters. A lot.

Today's Joy List:

-Waking up this morning when it was so quiet and dark and spending time with my Father

-Evangelism and Discipleship...it's going to be a great class!

-Worshiping with the CU community for the first time in five weeks!

-Taking a nap and organizing my life

-the beauty of stillness and peace

-Ingrid Michaelson loveliness filling our room

-seeing people I haven't seen in a month or so

Alright that's all for today. Homework waits for no one.

I'm back from Ireland! It was such a wonderful trip. I feel so blessed to be able to go see another small corner of the world.

Yesterday was a long day...sort of. We got to Dublin Airport...sometime. And caught our flight at 1. The airplane ride was one of the best I've been on. I got three hours of work done on my computer and they give free movies and I read my book and listened to music and worshiped. It was great! Not to mention the food was surprisingly good!

We landed at O'hare around 2:45-3. We left the airport around 3:30 and were on the road.

It's so nice to be back home. Every time I leave the country or even the state I always get excited to drive past the city and take it all in once again. I love Grand Rapids. My heart is in this city! I even got a good night's sleep too! We'll see later today how the jet lag affects me. I also haven't seen snow for two weeks. I'm really not a huge fan, but I woke up and the sun was out and it was making everything sparkle! How lovely!

And, tomorrow school starts. I'm looking forward to it for the most part. I know how last semester went and I really don't want to repeat it. I'm mostly excited to see how I grow. I'm excited to see where God leads me this summer and beyond. I'm not going to make any goals I decided. I always get to the end and feel like i failed. No goals this semester. Okay maybe I do have two of them.

1. Love God. Love people.

2. Rock it in school!

I can feel the Lord's strong hand upon. I feel Him slowly picking me up out of the dust and calling me to enter in to the promises. To freedom. To life. He is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for Ireland. Thank you for the people I met and the growth that took place and the beauty of Your Majesty in the creation. It was beautiful! You are beautiful Jesus! Lord, I give you this semester. The next four months. They are yours. I ask that you would break me. Grow me. Use me. Sustain me. Provide for me. Mold me. May I come to fall more in love with you every day. May I enter in to the promises and the life that I am called. Lead me Lord.

I love you Jesus! You are the best!

Love,

Lauren

I'm at the point of this trip where I am ready to be home. There's a girl on this trip, when asked if she was ready to come home responded, "Yes and no. There's a part of me that doesn't want to ever leave, and the other part does want to be in a place much more familiar. Although I don't have a place that is familiar." So, once again, I am thankful for a place to call home. I'm thankful that in Grand Rapids I have multiple place to call home. In this big, scary, exciting world, I have somewhere to go to when I'm scared or hurt or worried.

Yet, that's also the hard part. It's hard finding a balance where I can be an adult and take care of myself, but also let my parents do there job still. I don't know. Especially right now. I have no idea where I'm going to be this summer. I think I know, but I'm not sure how to get there.

Anyways, I have to get ready for school.

L

Glorious Disarray...A college students attempt to write something deep at midnight.

Tonight I had a minor meltdown of sorts. Lately a huge struggle (like most college students) of mine has been that in the way of all things money.

"How the freakin way am I going to sponsor Kamal?"

"How am I going to pay off my loan?"

"How am I going to afford books?"

Those are some of the thoughts that have ran through my head. And I remembered that I had three more classes that I needed to buy books for. Each class has multiple books.

Then it happened. A thought. I realized that a couple weeks ago I gave God everything I had and everything I am. I surrendered it all and found freedom in that. I was healed. And God is a lot bigger then money. He is a whole lot bigger then my worries and fears.

He is faithful right? Each of you could take a moment and stop and think back to maybe hundreds of times in your own lives that you have seen the movement of God. The ever present faithfulness. That is beautiful. He is faithful. So faithful.

I've made really dumb mistakes in the past couple of months. I won't get into it, but I quit my job at Panera and at the time thought it was a good idea for multiple reasons and now I'm not so sure. BUT it's in the past and I can't turn back time. So I hereby leave this here and I'm not looking back. It's gone. done with.

I was in bed and Philippians 4 popped into my head and so I decided to read it. And oh, is it ever written so wise and beautifully. It just so happens that Paul was in the same predicament as me. Okay, maybe not the same one, but in principle he was. He worried. He was anxious about things in his life. But he figured it out. He gave it up. He turned his worries into heartfelt prayers and worship. And in turn, God gave him peace that is inconceivable on a human level. Then he even goes as far as to boldly proclaim to all the brothers and sisters to look at your situations and pick out the truth, the honor, the purity, the lovely, the excellent. And he even tells us that he has found a way to be content. Whether he has a little, or a lot. He is content. Through the strength of Christ Paul is content. Paul ends the chapter by telling us that Christ will supply all of our needs. Praise the Lord.

Okay, confession. For a couple weeks i faithfully did my devotions and spent time in the Word. Going to Ireland I haven't. I think it's a whole routine thing for me. One thing I love about God is that He is faithful to meet us where we are. So even though I haven't been in the Word a lot...or at all; He met me tonight. He is full of Grace and full of Mercy.

It's also beautiful that God sees the movements of our hearts. He sees me in my weakness and still beckons me to come to Him. He sees my heart in all it's glorious disarray. I love it! :) That's wonderful.

I am so freakin weak. There are good days, and there are bad days. Rarely are there great days, but I'm learning ever so slowly to walk in freedom and joy no matter what. I'm learning and I"m growing and I'm maturing and that gives me hope. I almost typed, "and that feels good." there's my weakness at its finest folks. No credit goes to me. none. Jesus is my hope.

And that's all there is to it.

Day...something...I've lost count.

I've officially decided that I love the balance of field trips and rest time. Even so the days are starting to mix together. Today we went to Lisburn to a linen museum. It was interesting to say the least. We headed back to the manor and had lunch and heard a lecture. We had the option to go to the city and shop, explore, and/or eat. I decided to take a rare evening and do some writing and catch up on e-mails and have a nice relaxing, quiet evening at home. It's nice. I was thinking today about how I thrive on being alone. Wow. I make myself sounds so depressing.

It's nice to have alone time once in a while, especially since I am surrounded by people constantly. That's always been tough being at school...the constant being around people 24/7 and having no place to go just be. If I wasn't a broke college student, then I would definitely be at a cozy coffee shop somewhere.

Okay, that's my quicky update for today.

Be blessed.

L

Day Three

It's another day in Belfast, Ireland, and I would have to concur that today has been my favorite thus far. We woke up and grabbed some breakfast and headed to this sleek, modern, cozy, charming coffee house called Clements. Okay, honestly, the coffee was disgusting. I didn't like it. I mean it wasn't bad, but nothing beats Madcap in my book. But it was still a great experience.

We came back to the house and had a lecture on art. It was interesting. The only reason I think so, is because I was born with many creative genes...handed down from my momma. She would be so proud. Now I can go home and intelligently talk about art and color and all that jazz. The paintings we saw were beautiful! I loved them! I sat there in awe, and wishing I was that good. Learning to really do art would take a lot of precious time that I just do not have.

After we grabbed lunch and we were supposed to go to the Ulster Art Museum, but one of our hosts was ill. So, we had the opportunity to go into the city and explore, and shop, and eat. So three other girls and I wandered around. And by wandered, I'm quite serious. We had no clue where we were! But, it was a blast. Loved every minute! We found some amazing hipster cafes. And some vintage shops...my favorite! We also had thee best tasty treats you cold imagine! They lived up to their name let me tell you! We took a double decker bus through the city.

My favorite color is red so I naturally bought a red (soccer) futbol jersey. Now I am broke..not that I wasn't before though. And actually that isn't natural of me, considering I am non-athletic, but I've traveled to two different countries. One in Latin America and one in south America. They are big into soccer, so I thought why not now? And it's Liverpool, England, and according to many reliable sources they are a top notch team. So that's exciting. Maybe people will take me as more aggressive. Maybe they'll be like, "Whoa watch out! She's wearing a soccer jersey. She's tough!"...okay, probably not. I gave up on being tough a while back.

We came back after and ate dinner and here I am. Typing away. It was a free night. I suppose I should have been doing my homework, but it was nice to catch up and relax before a busy semester. I actually ended up adding one more class. I don't actually know if that was a wise thing to do. Last semester I totally failed (not literally...) so this will be interesting, and a challenge.

Alright. That's all. I may or may not write tomorrow as well.

Be blessed!

Lauren

Day Two

Having this blog makes it feel more like home to me. I'm comfortable here. I probably won't update everyday about my trip b/c I feel as if that would be overdoing it, but we have some free time at the moment, and it's good to get your thoughts out.

First, it's so hard for me to keep the fire going in my heart after the last couple weeks and everything that has happened to me. It's hard being here in Ireland and not feeling like reading my Bible or praying. I hate that I'll get home and feel like I have to "make up" the time for not being with the Lord. On another note this whole freedom thing is hard. I almost half expected God to erase the memories. I don't actually think that's how it works though. I am pretty sure that would be way too easy. But it's harder than I thought. Way harder. Every time his name pops up on skype my heart remembers and it longs for that attention, or every time I have to walk out of my comfort zone the insecurities of myself flood my mind. Or random judgmental, prideful thoughts race across my mind about someone. It's hard being standing up and guarding my heart, or speaking loving things about myself, or loving on people.

I am a work in progress.

On another note, today was fascinating. It makes me want to go to every single country and learn about their culture and the rich history behind it. This morning the jet lag hit my hard, so I was fighting to keep myself awake and alert for the lecture. The lecture was done by a sweet, old (ancient as he calls himself) man named Hadden. He brought us through a brief history of Ireland.

Basically in 1845 there was the Potato Famine. Prior to this the population of Ireland was 8 million. Throughout the famine and beyond the population steadily decreased. Today Ireland has about 5 million people. The famine caused many to go hungry and die. Many people fled to America during that time which is why a lot of us come from Irish descent.

In 1922 Ireland split and from then on, until 1998 there was trouble and hardship. Southern Ireland is under Irish rule. In 1922 the Irish people became angry because they were ruled over by the English in England. Northern England is part of the UK (United Kingdom: England, Northern Ireland, Wales, and Scotland). Hadden also discussed newspapers in Ireland.

Then we took a much needed break and had tea and scones. My oh my were they delightful little things! It's really too bad that America couldn't pick up on this. It would definitely be a de-stresser.

After was probably my favorite part of the day. We heard a lecture on St. Patrick. The only reason I know even a little about him was because of ICM. I won't go into detail (but if you really want to know you should read a bio on him!). In those days the Irishmen would go on raids and kid nap girls and boys and bring them to Ireland as slaves. Patrick actually lived in England, but one day he was kidnapped and brought to Ireland. There he became an even stronger Christian and spent hours upon hours in prayer each day. He began to get visions and dreams from God and eventually fled from the island to go back to England. There he felt convicted to go back to Ireland to minister to the Irish. And...I will let you figure out the rest. It's quite an interesting story and he's my new hero!

This afternoon we actually had the honor of going to see where he pastored and where he was buried. It was beautiful and charming. At the church there was a brick prayer cell in the yard. I was imagining devout monks walking from the church ready to go pray. It was a very holy place.

Then we headed back and tonight, get this, I actually tried three types of fish and liked them all! That is a miracle my friends. That just does not happen...ever!

Alright. It's time to go. Thanks for reading.

Day One

January 9, 2011

I made it to Ireland! Finally. It’s one of those things that you never think will get here and when it does, you scarce can take it in. I feel like I’m in America right now, but I’m Europe. Bizarre.

For an update: We left Cornerstone at noon yesterday (Saturday) and drove to Chicago. This is quite trivial, but I’m going to say it anyways. The international terminal at O’Hare has no food. Thankfully, we didn’t wait too for our flight to get here. And, it was the easiest international flight I’ve been on in terms of procedures and security and customs. The flight was good too. I listened to music and fell asleep fairly quickly. Praise God! Especially since the last couple weeks have been really late nights and really early mornings.

We arrived in Dublin this morning (Sunday) at 8:32 a.m. Dublin is in the Southern part of Ireland, and Belfast is two hours north located in the United Kingdom. The countryside is beautiful. Rolling hills and old stone buildings everywhere. I love that about Ireland. Everything is old, charming, and beautiful. (just as side note: Ireland, and probably many other places in Europe are energy efficient, so to put it bluntly…it’s freezing! Thankfully I brought all my sweaters!).

When we arrived in Ireland I was thinking it’d be pouring down rain and freezing. It is freezing, but the sun was out and ever so bright! We had the opportunity to stop at an old 15th century celtic grave yard. It was beautiful! The burial sites were really old and they provided so much history. I was really tired when listening to the tour guide talk so I missed out on the history of it, but I did catch one interesting tidbit. The crosses tell a story. They tell a story of the gospel. The crosses are actually nicknamed “poor man’s gospel,” because poor people in Ireland were illiterate, so the crosses on the grave stones helped them understand.

Then we headed back to the manor and “nested” as they call it. We ate lunch almost immediately upon arriving. It was delicious! I’d live in Ireland just for the food! It was wild rice and chicken soup, bread, and a salad. After lunch we had a couple hours to get settled in and unpack. We were advised not to fall asleep, but I did anyways. I really tried not too! Later we had a meeting with our group to go over expectations and talk about what we are going to be doing. Some reading for the class I’m going to be taking, and dinner. It was called an Ulster Fry. It’s an Irish breakfast…but for dinner. And oh boy was it ever good!

In our group meeting we were told to be thinking about our expectations for this trip. Before ever leaving I had the expectation of growing in who I am as a person and growing in head knowledge. As a person, I’d like to become more of myself and become much more confident in who I am. After my freedom appointment last Thursday, I am slowly learning that it’s good to be yourself. So, I’ve let my insecurities go. A lot of my class that I’ll be taking is discussion based. I can be so introverted and shy, so this trip will really challenge me to go deeper and become stronger. I may know how to get around an airport, but when it comes to things in groups and especially with people who I don’t know; that is scary. I expect myself to learn the value of education and knowledge. I have never taken school seriously. Of course, it’s always ended up on my New Year Resolution list, but I’ve never really followed through.

This year has brought with it so much potential, freedom, joy, peace, Jesus, love, strength. I know it’s going to be an amazing year! I want to enjoy this experience to the fullest. I want to sit down and read Irish literature and take in everything that we see these next two weeks. I want to get to know the people and the culture. I want to get to know myself more and learn what my mind is capable of.

That’s all for tonight. This is so bizarre. It’s bed time here in Ireland, but back home it’s 4 pm. Alright friends, enjoy your Sunday afternoon!

Jesus I want to see you Rightly.

Today I have my Set Free appointment. And let me just say the enemy has been on me since yesterday. I even got a mini case of the stomach flu and was throwing up during the night...I know, you probably didn't want to hear that. Now I feel like 70% better. But I do believe that today Jesus is going to make me more free than I have ever been in years. For that, it's worth it. More of Jesus, less of me.

I'm listening to a song called "Dependant" by John Thurlow. If you have never heard it, I recommned going to listen to it. There's a line that says, "I don't have a care in the world if I am trusting you completely." That's the kind of faith I want to have. I want to not even care, b/c I am so focused and in love with Christ. Nothing else matters. None but Jesus.

I think it is about time to update this, due to the fact that it's been a while. A lot has been happening lately.

Last week I spent in Kansas City, Missouri at Onething conference put on my International House of Prayer (IHOP). It was beyond amazing! Not going to life the experience was amazing, but that's not where the glory goes. The glory goes to Jesus. His name was so much glorified in that place and I was reminded so much of his faithfulness, love, goodness, etc...

I won't go into every single detail considering that would take hours, but I'll touch on a few things. I fell in love with Jesus again. The hard thing about conferences is that they get you all hyped up, and when you get home it's gone. But I've found this love that does not fade with time. It doesn't fade with emotion. It's unconditional and genuine. This semester I am putting myself on a rigorous schedule of seeking God.

Corey Russel (leader at IHOPU) charged us to go to bed at 10 and wake up at 6 and spend two hours before school with Jesus. This message really got to me. Corey explained that this generation has a spirit of complacency and laziness on them. We are always on facebook, watching TV, texting, etc... He also explained that after ten p.m. we are more vulnerable to the enemy for multiple reasons. That message totally collided with me! I was convicted of my ever going flippancy. So this new year I am committing to pleading with the Lord to give me a spirit of sobriety. So this week I began digging in the word and worship and prayer.

I also got prophesied over on Thursday afternoon. I won't go into that, but God is always faithful! He is so good! Everything lined up with what God had been speaking to me initially!

The worship was amazing! I've literally listened to the Forerunner music non stop since last Saturday! It's so powerful, real, and fun (yes, I find worship a lot of fun!). One of the forerunner worship leaders is Misty Edwards. She spoke on how our mind is sacred space. We always have things running through our minds and conversations with my mind. She made the point that the people we have conversations with, well, they can't even hear us anyways, so why not keep that sacred space for you and God? Good point!

Another sermon was by Stephen Venable. He spoke on Luke 9. This is where Jesus says to take up our crosses and deny ourselves and follow Him. This one is convicting hardcore! And I've realized that I can't have anything without that right there. I can't go on and live a full and genuine faith if I won't surrender my very own life.

Okay, that's about it on that note. You all should really go experience IHOP for your own selves since a blog post will not give it justice. No, scratch that. Yes, IHOP is great and their mission is fantastic and so biblical, but I want to encourage you all to not give up. Don't give up. Don't give in. If you don't quit, you win, you win.

Keep running hard after Jesus. Stop what you are doing and make yourself a prayer schedule or schedule time during the day to actually BE with God. He longs for you. He loves you. He is ravished over you. And you don't need a conference to find Jesus. He is right here. His presence is always there! So keep running after Him! He is far more worth it then anything this world could offer! Promise! He is so fulfilling and so full of love and grace and freedom and Joy and peace and satisfaction. Friends we were made for Him. We were created for him, by him and through Him.

Tonight I'm hosting a dinner party. Yep, super exciting and quite a step as I mature into an adult.

I leave for Ireland in 4 days! Yikes! I'm ready for another adventure. I will tell you one of the things prophesied over me was i was going to go on adventures this year with the Lord. I was stirring the apple cidar when it dawned on me. "Woah! I was made for adventure!" I was made for adventures. I've always been adventurous. ever since I was an itty bitty thing. I'm excited!

So I think that's it. I'm about to go dig into Jeremiah.

I love you all! The joy of the Lord is our strength!