Being Formatted...Spiritually.

Tonight spiritual formation was epic! Maybe epic is the wrong word exactly, but it definitely was totally what I needed to hear. Professor Bustrum began by talking about "The Dark Night of the Soul," referring to spiritual highs and lows. First to note, I am for sure in a "spiritually low" season of life. One that is dry and seemingly lifeless. As my professor puts it, "it's like I am in a tomb, and God is absent." I can't feel Him, hear Him, see Him, touch Him.

And I can see myself slipping back and going back to the old ways of life. It's not fun, but I have this great answer!

Adam was created. He went all around the garden and never found relationship. He was lonely. He longed for pleasure, for someone, something. God solved that problem real fast and made Eve!

Before I started wholeheartedly seeking out Jesus and became a committed Christian I tried to fill my void by looking at porn and seeking out the attention of guys and even girls. I lived this ugly double life. I tried money, materialism, media...those sorts of things.

Then I came to know Jesus. Usually when we come to know Christ we have this crazy passion and pleasure is found in following Jesus. We look forward to reading out Bible and praying and loving others and serving and our views have changed and our relationship change for the good. We look forward to church!

And then that flame dies. We wonder why God has left us. Why he has forsaken us. If you can picture God showering down pleasure and passion on us, well that's what it looks like basically. But then God takes that bottle of pleasure and passion away.

Before I explain this matter further ask yourselves why you go to God. If you hear people on Sundays pray or even if you search your own life you might come across something similar to my experience. For me I tend to pray prayers that are focused on me. "God, heal me of this. God get me this job. Lord provide for this. Restore this person." You get the picture.

Well my dear friends. That is not why we are here. That is not what we are created for. Oh, and by the way, sometimes for me praying those types of prayers leave me empty also. We are not created to worship anything other than God alone!

We go to church and Evensong for pleasure don't we? I look forward to church because I am eager to see what God has for ME. I go to Evensong because I'm excited for some good community. God actually really wants us to worship for HIS sake. NOT OURS.

And so He takes away the bottle.

God wants us during these desert times to fill our void with the Holy Spirit.

So, I understand why I'm in this season of life. I'm beginning too. God has really been opening my heart and eyes to interesting things that are quiet helpful. Divine understanding is what I like to call it.

So yeah, my motives need to change. Because they have been so focused on me. I'm on a journey to see what happens when my focus is on God completely. I feel it's going to be hard. But so worth it! I need to keep being in the Word and in prayer and being. Being with Jesus. Communing with my Savior.

So that's it. I'm going to actually eat breakfast tomorrow morning, so I need to go to bed. Thanks for listening! :)