Aspirations of the Mind

God has been ever so faithful. And He will continue to be. For the thousandth time this week has been the roughest, most painful week I've walked through in a while. In fact I feel as though God maybe preparing me to walk into the "wilderness" this summer. It's like all this anxiety has come upon me.

Last night was just terrible, and tonight I was so filled and so blown away by Christ and deep thoughts and Colassians and then all of a sudden an attack. I forget that the devil is on the prowl. But it was so good. I pretty much thought I was going to run out of gas and I didn't. I got three pieces of cheesecake, which is an extra blessing. I was like "God I need to hear "Our God" on the radio." And of course, it came on right away. That happened yesterday too. Tonight God provided someone to intercede for me. Tonight God met me. Tonight God filled me with peace. Tonight God provided strength to get homework done. Tonight God is helping me look forward.

They are tiny things, yes.

Last summer I sat in Lincoln Park on Bridge St. with Delaney and we were talking. We were talking about what it would be like to live in faith. Like complete faith. I think that's when I began praying and telling the Lord I wanted to live in faith. God has seen the desires of my heart and the hunger there.

And so, for some reason, God heard that cry of my heart and he heard the prayer in the park that summer day.

He also answered it. I mean I was at Panera for five weeks and then quit. I have barely had any money. There are so many things God has taken out of my life.

See, I'm living by faith. Everyday is new. I am continually praying "Jesus, give me today my daily bread. Let your will be done."

It's a beautiful place to be in. Dependence on God. Because the world fails me. People fail me. My parents fail. I fail myself. I find myself continually going to the Lord for everything. I'm at a point where I am holding nothing back. It's a journey of surrender.

And tonight God blessed me with rest. I was planning on going home, but have no gas to get home, so I came back to CU. It's nice. It's quiet. I talked to God and wrote a mini outline. Now it's bed time. It's so peaceful in here. No roommate. No chaos. No people. Just the Lord and I.

God is faithful. Always, forever.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and shower and pack some things. Spend time with Jesus. Write my theology paper. Good Friday service probably at noon. Home.

That's all.