Aspirations of the Mind

I am utterly confused. About life. And maybe it's because I hear so many different people's opinions about everything. Life, love, relationships, election, Jesus, prosperity gospel, structure in churches, no structure in churches, the "right" way to worship", the "wrong" way to worship, how to spend my time, how to pray, how to read the Bible, how to study the Bible, nuclear energy, politics, mega churches, house churches, small groups, no small groups, community, what kind of community, what is the closest thing to the early church, how would Jesus live, how are you intimate with Jesus, what does that look like, what to read while doing devotions, blah blah blah blah blah.

I am seriously incredibly tired of talking talking talking about fixing the world. What we need is a love revolution? Does talking about every little thing actually help at all?

No.

So I had this epiphany in the shower. I do a lot of thinking there if you must know. It was more like divine revelation actually. Jesus was like" stop listening to the opinions of man and come find out for yourself by reading my Word. By seeking MY heart and MY purpose for your life."

That's what I need to do.

Ya know? I doubt God sometimes. I ALWAYS seem to hang out, but even then I'm like God where the heck are you. And HE ALWAYS IS SO FREAKIN" FAITHFUL AND TRUE AND RIGHT!

He always speaks guys. He always meets me where I am at. Like He sees the movements of my heart and He sees my desires.

This stuff has been on my heart a lot lately. Sometimes...no a lot of times...I make life so super complex. I just need to go to the Word. I'm am like going to puke maybe from talking about this for the thousandth time. It's always been a struggle. I want faith to come easy.

Alot of times I think I need to pack my bags and go to Africa where there aren't any distractions. Where I can love God and love people with ALL of me. Right? I think that is such a lie.

First, I have to finish school and second, I have ten freaking dollars. That will get me...well hardly anywhere these days. God has placed me here and I won't give into the lie that I can't make an impact and I can't do anything until I graduate. I am so sick and so tired of those lies. I seriously could scream right now.

Tonight, right now, I have a great peace. I'm so glad I'm in Grand Rapids. Tonight I feel called here. It's right. It's good. God has moved so much this week. I can't even begin to describe it. If you want to know, ask me personally. I'll be glad to tell you!

I think that's all. Nighty night.