Back to the Swing of Things.

I hate it! I hate how I always go back to the old.

It's like this. I get up. I am standing. I am walking. I am focused. And then I fall back. The tears come. The anger boils. The frustration plagues me. And I become lost. I become stuck.

I can't move. I want to run from this place. I want to be done. I wish this summer never would have happened. I wish it could disappear and I could move on! I am sick of this place I'm in. I'm sick of running and tripping and running and tripping and running and tripping. I just want to be done.

I am not okay. I am falling a part. Maybe this emptiness or longing is for God?

I long to find satisfaction in the love of Christ. The world keeps failing me. People keep letting me down. It's not worth it. Why do I keep turning away from Grace? Why?

God's love is astounding. His perfect peace finds me in my desperation and I am made whole. I love those times when you can feel the presence of God surrounding you. It's so thick and tangible. I don't think words can fully describe this divine, holy, beautiful experience.

I am letting go.

letting go.

letting go.

letting go.

I. AM. LETTING.GO.

I am sick and tired of carrying this and worrying about it. I'm tired of being angry. I am tired of being so concerned with him. I'm tired. I want to run away from this place. But I can't.

Suffer well.