It goes like this. It's not him. It really isn't. It's a plethora of the past. It's a whole lot of crap coming to the surface and culminating. Years and years of striving after guy after guy after guy has failed. The last five months God has brought guys into my life and taken guys out. I try and run back to them, and lately God hasn't been letting me get away with it. He's been pulling me back to Him. Into his arms. Into His perfectly capable arms. All these years. God is so faithful.
How can God watch me walk away from Him? Just like that? And still love me? How can God take it? This is insane!
For once in my life I want to be free. I long to be free from the belief that I am affirmed by a guy. I DO NOT need a guy. That is a lie from the pits of Hell. Straight from the enemy! I want to walk, I long to walk in the freedom that Christ has given me.
God is doing amazing things and moving in amazing ways and I don't want to lose focus. It's a battle. There are so many things vying for my attention. Oh my gosh is it ever hard.
Not even with the issues of life. Following Jesus is hard in and of itself. I mean, by human nature, we are all selfish. It's hard loving people and loving our enemies. As a good friend reminded me, "Love is gritty." It rubs up and comes in contact with life and it hurts sometimes to love.
It's a lot easier to sit here and be in my own world and do my own thing. It's a lot harder to go and meet someone's need.
Until next time...
Until next time...
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