The Crazy Busy Life of a Twenty Year Old.

Life is a battlefield. It's a constant war. The last few days I've felt really attacked and that's tough. It's hard fighting all the time. It's like, sometimes I want to lay it down and give up. And it's hard because I have all these weird feelings in my heart and it's like resistance or doubt or anxiety. I want it to leave. I want to be free, except, then life wouldn't be a war everyday. It would be easy to get out of bed in the morning. It'd be easy to get things done. It would be easy to look the person who you despise the most and love them.

Except life isn't like that, and it will never be...ever. And, if life were a breeze and you had that peace all the time how would one ever grow? How would anyone ever move forward? I DO NOT want to be in the same place tomorrow as I am right now. I want to be holy as He is holy. I want to be molded and refined into the likeness of Christ Jesus. If I have to go through these uncertain, painful days, than so be it. If I have to struggle through my pride, selfishness, sin, lust, faithlessness, and if I have to keep praying through the same strongholds...then I will.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance: perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:1-5 (NIV)

This is the point where I remind myself that fifty years of suffering is nothing compared to eternal glory.

God is faithful. Even in these moments where I feel so weighed down in my sin and shame. God. Is.Faithful.

Period.

I had other thoughts, but I'm so exhausted. That is all for tonight.